Well, we all have been through adolescent. Some of us have been through it easier than some others. But who was really confused in this period of our life, was our mother or our father. This depends on which of them was closer to us.
The adolescent is the hardest period of a child and its parents. Sometimes, the parents overpass the limits of their child’s privacy, because of their anxious and they care. This is the first mistake that parents are doing and from that moment the child become more aggressive and distant. In adolescents, the children need to have their privacy. They need to have their personal place, where they feel it as if it is their asylum. Their asylum can be forced by the parents only in case that the parent suspects that something is going wrong. Even this offense must be done in a discreet way. The child must not realize that the parent watch over it, because like that the situation may be under control after all!
Bedroom as Battleground
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” James Baldwin
Always keep in mind that we must hug our children and not to clasp them! When I say “we” I mean it because I am also a mother of two little girls and I really try to make them independent and hug them without to clasp them. When you clasp your child it suffocate and the only way to escape from that is the distance! Just do what is right and the child will follow you.
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.” P. J. O’Rourke
Another mistake that we, as parents do, is that we deny to realize that our children have been already grown up and we still think of them as the little baby that we were holding from its hand to walk. When they grow up, the children ask for their freedom and they need a person to talk, not because they need an advice but because they need somebody to hear them. We teach our children until the age of 13. After that we stop lecture and we start hear. This is the only way to keep our children close to us.
What about their room! Until now I demand from my older daughter to clean her room even if she shares it with the youngest one (she is too young to do that but I start practice her) and she doesn’t react. I know that the adults especially the boys are more argumentative to this kind of demand but even if the parents are getting crazy with that they have to respect it. Just have patient for 1-2 years. They prefer to search for their favorite jean under the bunch of their clothes than to open the cupboard and to find it. They prefer to find their shoes under the bed, where they have left them than to look into the shoe-case. The adolescent is the age of the revolution! The only thing that you can do is to ask –not to demand- your child to tidy the room up once per week. But this cannot happen during the week. The best time to do that is during the weekend.
a teenager’s room full of posters
How does an adult’s room look like? The most common is to see a wall full of posters from their idols (singers, movie stars, football player, cars…..). Their room certainly must have a CD player, a PC and a television. You will never see a cupboard or a drawer in order and regarding their desk…you can find everything on it –books, diary, glasses, chocolate papers, ashtray (if they smoke), cosmetic sprays e.t.c. The clothes may be on the bed, on the floor or hanging from the chair whereas the shoes may be everywhere in the room. This is the typical view of an adult’s room and we have to respect it and not to interfere without their permission. In other words we must not poke our nose in their life.
“mom, my room is almost clean”
The best way to keep the peace between you and your adult child is:
1) To knock the door and to ask for permission to enter into their room
2) To close the door after you leave it
3) To ask them if they want from you to tidy their room for them
4) To not read their diary
5) To not be curious
6) To not be bossy
7) To not relieve the children of their freedom
8) Stay by them and not behind them
I don’t have the luxury to offer to my children their personal room because of the limited squares and I am lucky that they are both girls so they have the same interests and they can share the same room and the same things. But if somebody can offer a private space to his child this would be perfect for an adult. So if you have the possibility to separate the children’s room is the best way to offer them the independence and the freedom that they look for even if they are the same male!